It's day 11 into our frankly quite bewildering journey into the depths of the
Jurassic Park Playmobil Advent Calendar where a surprise appearance of Satan has plunged our current storyline into chaos and darkness. Having been faced with Satan in serpent form, our plucky raven-haired protagonist/archeologist/chaos theorist, Dr. Ian Goldblum, has been granted three wishes in order to prove Satan's claim that he can give Ian supremacy over the dinosaurs (in exchange for his immortal soul). Ian wasted two wished on inattention and excess, but today he makes his third. What will it be?
Let's open
Door Number 11 and find out...
And... it's... a...
WHOA! Was not expecting that!
Okay... this is how I think it went down... The perpetually horny Goldblum wished for a female companion who would love him unconditionally and submit to his every twisted whim, AND allow him to film the whole sordid thing on the eighties video camera he received yesterday. But Satan is a trickster and Goldblum foolishly didn't specify the species of his new lady friend. So now he is romantically linked to a ferocious orange raptor! A dinosaur! The Goldblum's deadly arch enemy!
OH THE IRONY, DEAR READER! Will Goldblum submit to the raptor's lusty advances or will he succumb to his dinosaur punching instincts? This is so tumultuous and we are barely half way!
(And stay tuned, because I am popping open the
Lego Star Wars calendar in a moment!)
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