Review: Dark Knight Rises "Gotham City Battle" Action Figure Five-Pack!

Now here’s a toy oddity I found hard to resist! Mattel has released this very reasonably priced five-pack of 3 3/4 action figures based on Sir Christopher Nolan’s bombastic, clunky, terrifyingly bleak, almost-Batmanless epic The Dark Knight Rises...

And, furthermore, this set is clearly aimed at children. “Hi, my son is turning five on Saturday and I’m looking for a small action figure of a fetish mask wearing, neck-breaking terrorist but I don’t want to spend a lot of money. Can you help me? Oh, and if you can throw in a crazy, crippled rasping billionaire and a double-crossing thief in a sexy bondage outfit then that would be good too.” Sir.. have we ever got you covered...

This unlikely set fascinates me because the quality wildly ranges from dollar store bootleg to a couple of surprisingly decent figures (at least sculpt-wise). I’m kind of amused that it exists at all.

I’ll show you a whole lot more... after the jump!

Firstly, for me the multi-lingual packaging makes me feel like this is some sort of obscure, mystery box that only exists in a bizarre retail limbo...

Le combat de la ville de Gotham! My guess is that you won’t see this box on foreigner-distrusting American shelves and this is the first time I’ve seen it in Australia (it was in a Kmart). I’m assuming this set isn’t particularly common? Most stores here sell the Batman and Bane figures individually but as far as I’m aware this is the only way you can pick up Catwoman. Plus this set cost less than half of what it would cost you to buy five figures individually so it’s a great deal if you can find it (and can stomach it, this is far more a novelty than it is a desirable collectible).

The set includes: Bane, Batman, Bruce Wayne, Stealth Batman (because regular black-clad Batman is nowhere near stealthy enough) and the glorious Anne Hathaway Catwoman....

Brace yourself because we’re going to take a closer look at them, starting with Bane...

Clearly he’s one of the worst of the bunch with very few details and even fewer paint applications. He kind of looks like a monkey painted him with its tail. Why a company as large as Mattel would want to tarnish their reputation by releasing a figure that so clearly looks like a shifty bootleg is completely beyond me. I can only hope that this decision was made because of evil doppelgangers or an unexpected head injury or something. It’s pretty shameful.

But Bane’s worst crime is his 1977 style articulation. Forget ankles and wrists - he doesn’t even have elbows or knees. He’s like a vintage Luke Skywalker! All he has his swivel neck, shoulders and hips. That’s great if you want to goose-step everywhere but doesn’t allow for a lot of display options. Tom Hardy should shatter someone’s pelvis over this.

So 3 3/4 inch Bane, at best, is a piece of crap. This is a figure purely designed for your five year old to stick up his nose and then bury in the garden. I, however, am going to put him on my shelf as a sobering lesson in fiscal responsibility.

Now let’s see if we can put things right with the Batman...

Now he’s actually not too bad! I guess with limited colours to begin with and such an iconic badass look, Batman is a lot harder to screw up. They’ve also included some of the sets (very few) bells and whistles for the titular Dark Knight. He has a cloth cape and some sort of outlandish golden raptor claw accessory for disembowelling T-Rexes...

What is with all these confusing decisions, Mattel? Was there a gas leak in your offices? Why not include something that was actually in the film like that big light gun thing he uses? Wouldn’t that make a little more sense than this ornate can opener?

Batman also trumps Bane by being given the blessing of knees! I assume that this is so he can pilot some kind of sold-separately vehicle? Still no elbows though so Bane and Batman are forced to battle like two poorly oiled tinmen in the rain.

Now this next one is interesting for historical reasons...

A couple of years ago it was said that Christian Bale would not allow his likeness to be used on a toy unless he approved it. This led to the comical debacle of the Terminator Salvation line where all the Christian Bale figures are wearing hats, sunglasses and face scarves to completely mask their identity. So why has he allowed this?

I mean I can kinda' see Christian Bale in there, if I squint a bit and employ my imagination. And it’s not a completely terrible likeness for this style of figure, particularly considering how many corners have been cut with the rest of them, but it’s no work of art either. Perhaps after his well-publicised outbursts on the Terminator set, we’re now seeing a more relaxed, friendlier, kitten stroking Bale who’s not sweating the small stuff. And now this tiny Bale is ours to love and cherish. Not sure why he’s in his ninja pajamas though. Probably easier not to think about it.

But one Batman is never enough, so we also get the “stealth” Batman who ironically is wearing a lighter/brighter costume than his not-so-stealthy predecessor. This one has a bit of a Batman Beyond (future Batman) vibe for me, particularly the mask...

This guy is about as kid-friendly and collector-alienating as you can get, but he’s kind of fun for what he is. And he has crazy Wolverine claws for some reason because I guess that Batman’s usual gadgetry isn’t enough. I would love to get an insight into these Mattel movies. “Sure Batman has a rich history of reference material we can draw upon, not the least of which is the movies themselves, but gentleman, I ask you, wouldn’t Wolverine claws be bitching? The room of five-year-olds we have sequestered downstairs sure seem to think so!” Weird.

And let’s finish up with my favourite of the batch and my real motivation for picking up this set. It’s Anne Hathaway’s slinky/superfluous Catwoman (better known as “hey you!” in the film)....

Admittedly she has about as much articulation as your average Barbie doll, but I actually think that this is the best sculpt overall, especially considering how petite she is. Sure, her goggles have still been painted with a monkey's tail, but she's a decent rendition of the character and will find a place in my collection. She's definitely the pick of the litter, the other figures are just a bonus. And Selina and Bruce look okay together...

And one other thing - I should praise the cardboard backdrop they included because it made these far more fun to photograph. It's a nicely presented set, which makes that hideous bootleg Bane hurt even more. Why you gotta' be like that, Mattel? You used to be cool!

Grab it if you're diehard.