Eurovision 2012: Semi Final 2

The Eurovision train rolls on with Semi Final 2, with none of the glitz diminishing, and with my crush on the goofy male host developing steadily. The final had been nicknamed the Power Ballad semi, but I like to think of it as the Man Candy semi, with Malta, Belarus, Estonia, Slovakia, Norway and Lithuania offering the ladies something to look at in between all the generically beautiful songbirds that Eurovision is famous for.

Let's not waste any more time, join me under the cut for SF2!

The Netherlands

The first thing that really comes to mind with this one is 'Why?' and then 'How?' Probably one of the strangest as far as props go. I know it's a song about youth and young love and whatever, but is the best way to get that idea across to have a cowboys and indians motif? And isn't wearing a Native American headdress somehow rather culturally insensitive? Baffling. I like her perky band of rustic boy musicians though.


Malta

I love everything about this. I love the song, I love the guy's voice, I love his one stupid golf glove, I love the shuffly foot dancing, I love the bit where the female backing singer has a tiny solo and utterly fucks it up, I love the cheesy DJ, I love EVERYTHING. Everything. This is everything I want in a Eurovision performance. Perhaps unshockingly, this is my favourite of the night.


Belarus

So, these guys get included because I'm shallow and they're really hot. Okay, maybe I could do without the bass player with the...hair, but the rest are pretty good. There's just some innate part of a girl's psyche which makes all of us unable to resist boys in chainmail. Particularly fashionably altered chainmail. The song is ok, my favourite part is 'winners' sounding like 'wieners'. Heh. 'We are da wieners'.


Ukraine

While it can very well be argued that many of the songs in Eurovision could be classed as 'gay club anthems' this song out-gayclubs all of them. It basically vomits rainbows. If I don't hear this the next time I walk past The Court I will be quite disappointed.


Sweden

Sweden was tipped as a favourite fairly early on, and it's easy to see why. It has it all; an attractive lady being utterly buffeted by a wind machine, MC Hammer shuffling, solo interpretive dancing and, well, a pretty kick ass chorus. We also can't forget the LIVE slow mo, which is something I don't think I've seen in Eurovision before. This one is my second favourite track of the night (after Malta of course).


Turkey

For a good three quarters of this song I was convinced we were all being massively trolled and that Turkey's entry would just turn out to be Sasha Baron Cohen's new character. I don't know if the fact it's not makes things better or worse. I've watched this one a few times, and despite the entire thing being incredibly dorky, I won't ever get sick of seeing them create a boat out of their capes. Genius.


Estonia

Estonia's Ott Lepland is just so goshdarn adorable I can't even handle it. We haven't had many guys just 'stand and deliver' this year, but he smashes it. My Spotify has pretty much had this track on repeat all weekend. I do like a fellow in a waistcoast, even if he is wearing a tshirt under it. This is EUROVISION, man! At least put some sequins on the sleeves or something!


Slovakia

Ladies, gird your loins. Max Jason Mai is about to get all up in your eyes, ears, and where ever else you'll let him. Sure, he hits quite a few questionable notes, but let's face it, we're not here for his voice. The Europeans sure love their cock rock, and it's wonderful to see it's alive and well here. As the performance went on it became clear there was an epic battle going on between his hip bones and gravity, and at any moment his pants could fall right off. They didn't, but good GOD.


Lithuania

To be perfectly honest I only included this guy because his name is Donny Montell and I don't think I've ever heard a name with such boyband potential in my LIFE. Then I heard that he'd memorised all the camera positions so he could still be looking in the right direction while blindfolded. Okay Donny Montell, you've earned your spot here.



As with SF1, only ten out of the 18 entries can make it through, and while our buddies Lithuania, Ukraine, Sweden, Estonia, Malta and Turkey got the call up, poor Max Jason Mai missed out. What a travesty. The other lucky countries to nab a spot were Bosnia & Herzegovina, Serbia, Macedonia, and Norway.

The final is almost upon us, dear friends! Stay tuned right here for your upcoming walkthrough for the EUROVISION SONG CONTEST FINAL 2012. HOLY CRAP YOU GUYS!

PULL YOUR DAMN PANTS UP