Project Runway Recaps: S09 E09

 

Do you have time to watch Project Runway every week? Of course you don't! Also, my recaps are better than the show. Let's talk FASHION!

This week the challenge is to create looks for an unsigned rock band called the Sheepdogs! Everyone freaks out because they can't make dresses, except Olivier, who has designed menswear professionally. Olivier is freaking out for completely different reasons.

First the band plays a song for the designers. Olivier's hands flutter up to his ears and he looks distressed. He could give lessons in delicately wilting to a Tennessee Williams heroine.

Then he learns that he has to make clothes for Ewan, the lead singer, who is 6'3" and has a big frame. This is even worse than the boobs he had to deal with last week! As they start to make the clothes, he gets increasingly upset. He explains that he doesn't feel passionate about this challenge because he doesn't like designing for non-model sizes: "I've never really thought of making things for plus-size people." As usual, he is making sad beige clothes. Very rock'n'roll!

Meanwhile Bert is making purple stripy pants and a purple floral shirt for Ewan, who looks extremely apprehensive. Did I mention that the guys in the band have to wear the winning looks in Marie Claire, Rolling Stone and at a function? I feel particularly sorry for Ewan because he looks a bit like my husband.

 

Bert tie-dyes a shirt in the saddest shades of purple and brown I have ever seen. The brown is unfortunately positioned to make it look like he shat himself.

Anya struggles with this challenge, and her model's pants split while he plays the drums. Oh Anya! There is no way she will be eliminated, though. Kimberley has made a super-depressing rust-orange and brown fast food uniform from the 70s, which Michael Kors describes as "Peter Brady at the Autumn Harvest." Oliver's look is not only bland, pale and ill-fitting, but he ran out of time and did not make cuffs, despite protesting that he does not have a time management issue. Anthony Ryan's outfit is pretty cute, although Heidi wants tighter pants. Heidi demands ever-tighter pants!

She is pleased with Josh's pants, though, which are white with a dark brown exposed zipper to highlight the penis area. The model looks like he would like to go home now please.

Bert decides to show his look, which I call Purple Sadness, with pigtails. Ewan looks mortified, but Nina loves the pigtails! She thinks they are "fabulous!" Incredibly, Bert is in the top 3. 

Kimberley and Olivier are bottom two and Olivier is booted off! He leaves to wander the world for his ideal market, people without secondary sexual characteristics who dislike colour and happiness. And we march ever onwards!