Pilot Recap: Ringer

 All image credits: CW.

Tonight I watched the pilot episode for Ringer, the new show starring Sarah Michelle Gellar. It was pretty stupid! Spoilers abound below.

I was excited about this show as soon as I heard that SMH plays twins. It's just like The Parent Trap! Of course there is a good twin and an evil twin. But the ex-prostitute/addict/stripper is the good one! TWIST.

Bridget is in hiding after witnessing a Terrible Deed by a baddie who looks like Anthony Keidis. Nestor Carbonell (Richard Alpert from Lost, and Batmanuel from The Tick!) is the FBI agent on the case. She beats up the cop watching her, steals his gun and goes to her super-rich twin sister Siobhan, who has conveniently kept the existence of her twin secret from everyone in her life, even her husband. Also, there are a lot of very symbolic mirrors around.

They are in the Hamptons, which is where rich people go. Bridget and Siobhan go on a boat trip featuring some of the most woeful green-screen I have ever seen on TV. Seriously, it looked like something from a sketch comedy show! Is it that expensive to just hire a couple of boats?

Anyway, Siobhan drugs Bridget, leaves her engagement ring in the pill bottle and disappears. When Bridget wakes up and finds her sister's shirt floating in the water, she assumes Siobhan has committed suicide. Yup, that seems reasonable! Rather than take a bunch of money and jewellery and hoof it to South America, Bridget decides to take on her sister's identity. Also very reasonable!

Siobhan's New York penthouse is pretty nuts, especially the giant photo of herself in the foyer. Awesome decorating!

Siobhan's husband Mr Handsome is cold and distant, but it turns out that's because Siobhan is a super-meanie! Bridget is all like "why can't we just be nice to each other" and he's all like "you crazy." And Siobhan was having an affair with her best friend's husband! (Her best friend is also conveniently her decorator.) What a bad guy! I should have known she was bad the moment I saw those sunglasses.

Um, Bridget has that gun she stole, and she hides it in the penthouse her friend is decorating, and then she finds out that 'she' (Siobhan) is preggers, and she says it into the phone when Mr Handsome is right there and now he knows, and they tell the best friend and husband/adulterous lover even though she is only 4 weeks and everyone knows you wait till 12, and I can tell this is going to be one of those crazy stuff-a-pillow-down-your-pants pregnancies even though she should just wait till she gets her period and then tell him she miscarried, DUH, but the husband cancels a mysterious Job that he doesn't want done any more (instantly obvious he is having her killed) but then a dude tries to kill her and she grabs the wall-gun and shoots him and then we cut to SIOBHAN WHO IS NOT EVEN DEAD ANYWAY! Is anyone surprised?

Siobhan sits there all evil and doing nothing and the phone rings. "We have a problem." And then she puts the phone down!! Don't you even want to hear what the problem is, lady?!? It might be that your henchman bought the wrong flavour of ice-cream!

THE LOWDOWN: This was pretty awful, but I kind of want to watch more. I am going to call it Doublebuffies, though.